(lyrics by Christine Lavin, from the Four Bitchin' Babes album,

"Fax It! Charge It! Don't Ask Me What's For Dinner!"

©1995, All Rights Reserved)

It was a last-minute invitation

I did not have a thing to wear

I ran into the store, I said I need something black

Something formal

Other than that . . . I don't care

I made it to the theater as the lights dimmed

The first act was brilliantly fun

When I caught my reflection during intermission

I thought . . . what have I done?

What was I thinking?

What was I, blind?

When I bought this outfit I must have been temporarily out of my mind

What was I thinking? Look at this dress

My endorphins are sinking

My astrological chart is a mess

My hairdresser said "It's time for a new 'do

You've had that look for way too long."

So he showed me a perm in a magazine

And I thought sure, what could go wrong?

I should have known by the sounds he was making

Something was going awry

After two hours I put on my glasses

I could not believe my eyes

What was he thinking? I can't believe what I see

I look in the mirror

Art Garfunkel's looking back at me

What was he thinking?

Quick, buy me a hat

I should look on the bright side

In ten years it will grow back

Oh my hairdo! Oh my clothes!

Why we do these things, heaven knows

Oh it was late I had insomnia

That TV stair-stepper started to look good

I thought to myself should I buy it?

I heard Mary Traver's voice say

"Yes, you should, and that Snackmaster, and that BeDazzler, and that bald-headed spray-on hair kit"

Now I can barely get around my domestic environment

It's so full of all this stupid stuff

What was I thinking?

Look what I've spent

Now I am over my limit and I can't pay my rent

What was I thinking?

When will this end?

What was I thinking?

When will this end?

What were we thinking?

This song has no end!

Still more lyrics from the realm of the Dangerous Housewife . . .

Bald Men

My Mother's Hands

TV Talk

Good Thing He Can't Read My Mind

Estate Sale

Don't Forget the Guns

Mysterious Woman